Shut Up And Deal

What can you say? Sometimes life deals you a wild card...

Young Tom (GERARD BROULARD) is about to marry the "sweet, innocent, beautiful" Carol, a fresh blonde Scandi-type farmgirl. She's been seen in flashback riding a horse bare-assed through the countryside and, yes, Tom's a lucky bastard all right! Tom's older brother, Chuck - who has the "wildest bunch of swinging girlfriends on the Pacific Coast" - throws Tom a bachelor party during poker night.

The chicks start arriving pretty quickly, get naked even quicker, shake their boobies, and laugh at the awful Playboy-style party jokes of the poker players who start poking pretty quick as well., Backed up by xylophonic mood music, Shut Up - and Deal's ensuing sex scenes are notable for the convincing moaning and groaning of the party girls, as well as for their healthy bazooms, darting tongues, dimpled buttocks, rosette nipples, and heavy-duty eye makeup.

In between Greta, the lingerie salesgirl, and a gratuitous lesbian interlude, Tom ends up receiving "a liberal sex education" from all of Tom's swinging chickies. One after another, the gals offer him "lessons" until, finally, Aphrodite, "the grooviest chick" of them all, the definitive whore of whores, arrives

And guess what? Yup, it's none other than farm-fresh Carol! In the face of Tom's shock she delivers a bitter anti-romance diatribe while, in flashback, we see her frolicking with a big ugly farmhand. As she so graphically explains, the big lug gave her her "first taste of delicious sweaty, lusty, honest-to-God sex and, oh, man, did I dig it!" Ouch! Looks like he got the Joker...

From a 35mm stacked-deck print. - Handsome Harry Archer